Thanksgiving, Cemetery Walking and Adele

What do these three things have in common?

On the surface they describe my Thanksgiving day with my family.
We had a delicious dinner prepared by the Next Generation.
After eating, we took the dogs for a walk in the cemetery next door.
It was dark.
Really dark, with only a bit of moonlight and smartphones to guide our steps.
As I walked amongst the graves,
I thanked the dead for their lives and wished them well.
We returned home to watch utube videos of Adele's new "Hello" song.
We laughed our heads off at SNL spoofs and cats on underwater treadmills.
We were a happy bunch.

As I listened to Adele sing to us about her grief,
I realized that everyone gathered for this Thanksgiving event
had experienced a big loss of some kind this past year.
And yet, there we were.
Happy to be together.
Grateful for love, connection and family.

Gratitude and Grief.
"Two sisters" is how Francis Weller describes them.
These two sisters were present at our Thanksgiving.

Therein lies the deeper meaning of:
"Thanksgiving, Cemetery Walking and Adele".

How are these two sisters showing up at your holidays?

Obituary for my Landline

“But you had it for 31 years”, the customer rep said to me.

“Yeah, I know.” I almost changed my mind right there and then, but I was resolved.

I have been putting off this act. I warned my kids a year ago. I reminded them again recently. It was time.

As I waited for her to walk me through the steps to disconnect my phone, I thought of all the memories associated with it. The life lived and stories conveyed via that phone number.

All the good news shared.

Everyday conversations with friends and family.

Condolences given and received.

Kids giggling with their friends as they huddled away in private places of the house to talk.

I realized it really isn’t about the phone number. There’s nothing magical about that particular sequence of digits. But what is magical is how that number served my family as a line of connection to people we loved. It was all about connection.

Thank you 253 752-xxxx. May the next customer in line benefit as we did.

And, as is typical after a death, new stories are shared.

“Mom, I’ll miss being able to prank call you on that phone. Some you know about; some you don’t”.

I could only laugh!

When Your Parent is Dying

Do you have a parent with a terminal illness, dementia or slowly declining due to age-related things?

Are you one of their care-givers? Involved from a distance or in their daily care?

If so, then you already know how difficult it can be to balance your needs with theirs.

The video below includes some of my suggestions, learned from experience, about how to go on living while they are preparing to die.

Tripping Over Roots

Sometimes you trip over roots
when you are walking the path of grief.

Roots from your family:
Family messages about how to grieve right.

Roots from your culture:
Cultural messages about how to grieve right.

Roots from your past:
Old losses saying hello again.

Watch for them. Step over them.

Pause and feel
what needs to be felt.
Remember what needs
to be remembered.

Bend down and bless that root.
Be grateful for your ability to
notice and regain your balance.

Then keep moving forward.

Keep on moving forward your way,
because this particular path is
yours and yours only.